Honestly, this has been in the back of my mind for a while – I don’t know if a). my gender dysphoria telling me I’m not masculine enough, or b). I have a lot of internalized transphobia due to looking too feminine – but basically, I’ve been questioning if I’m a transmasculine non-binary individual.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves – what does it mean to be transmasculine? Basically, the term describes an AFAB (assigned female at birth) person who experiences masculinity more than femininity. Typically, a transmasculine person will try and cater to a more stereotypical masculine gender expression to create social validation for their dominant male identity. The gender identities that can fall under the transmasculine term include:
- Trans men
- Multigender individuals (whose strongest gender identity is a masculine one)
- Gender fluid individuals (who are masculine most often)
- Any other non-binary gender (whose views themselves as significantly more masculine)
Besides, the term transmasculine can be used as a gender identity. However, a transmasculine person may have typical masculine gender identities, they may not wish to wear typical masculine clothing, or perform stereotypical masculine gender roles and may not wish to appear more masculine.
While I definitely connect more towards masculinity over femininity, this does raise some questions – what pronouns will I use? Well, at the moment I’ve told some friends that I will try using he/him and they/them pronouns interchangeably – this means that I want them to use both pronouns in a sentence – but while I still have a preference for they/them, I also feel as though the odd he/him pronoun will validate my transmasculinity.
I also feel as though I want to cater to a more stereotypical masculine gender expression – I’m getting my first binder from my mum’s boyfriend’s niece, and I intend to bind (safely) – this will hopefully reduce my chest dysphoria and make me feel more masculine/androgynous. But here’s the problem – I have no current desire to go on testosterone, simply because I feel as though it would make me feel to binary. I also don’t think I would like stereotypically masculine terminology like ‘Sir’ or ‘Boy’ – so I guess transmasculine means that I want to have a more masculine gender expression?
But – I don’t know if I’m actually transmac or due to the reasons I listed above – while I don’t hate my biological sex, it can give me gender dysphoria (I plan to write/publish a post going into detail about my gender dysphoria, but I’m not sure at the moment) – so I don’t know if my transmasculinity is actually my dysphoria telling me that I’m non-binary enough and that I need to be more masculine/androgynous. I guess I also still have some internalized trasphobia because of how I feminine I look – and because I have no current desire to start T, I will continue to sound feminine and “like a girl.” Though I’m may change my mind about starting T in some point in the future due to the fluidity of labels – plus, starting HRT (Hormone Replacement) and getting surgeries (e.g. top surgery) are big decisions, and it takes a long time to make a decision.