Binding Excitement and Nerves

Over the Christmas break, my cousin Emily from the states brought me a binder despite the fact that she’s paying for her wedding this November, and despite the fact that I didn’t get her a present (don’t worry, she was fine with the fact that I didn’t get her a present) – which was very kind of her, and how that I’ve placed my order for my first ever binder from gc2b binders, I feel both excitement and nervous at the same time – is that normal? Yes it is.  And because I want to share my experiences, I want to share what I’m excited about and what I’m nervous about when it comes to binding. 

EXCITEMENT: 

• Less chest dysphoria: I have chest dysphoria, and it sucks. So I’m excited that binding will hopefully lessen the amount of chest dysphoria I have. I know binding my chest isn’t a cure for my dysphoria, but I think it will hopefully lessen how much chest dysphoria I have. 
• It will make me feel more masculine / androgynous: I’m a transmasculine nonbinary person so hopefully binding will make me feel more masculine / androgynous in my gender expression – which is the only current aim I have with my gender expression. 
• It will make me feel validated with my gender: This could be linked in with reason number 2, but binding might make me feel validated in my non-binary gender identity. 
• Help me to decide if I want top surgery or not: I’m currently unsure if I want top surgery or not, so binding my chest will hopefully make me think if I want top surgery or not. 
• Just having one: Simply put, I’m just excited about the idea of having a binder because this has been something that has been at the back of my mind for quite a while now (due to the fact that they are quite expensive, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted one or not).

NERVOUS:

• I could change my mind completely: Changing your mind about anything is completely OK and valid, but with binding its slightly different (for me, at least) because binders are expensive, so if I did change my mind about binding I would feel bad because I would feel like I wasted money. 
• I would feel pressured to wear it everyday: You have to take a break from binding in order for your body to breathe, but I would feel pressured to wear it everyday in order to feel ‘masculine’ and ‘androgynous’ enough. 
• My chest wouldn’t feel ‘flat enough’: I know nobody has a perfectly flat chest, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that I don’t want to be read as female, so I want my chest to be as flat as possible. 
• I would feel worried that I’m putting the binder on wrong: To be fair, this could be solved by doing a quick Google / YouTube search on how to put on a binder correctly, so I’m not really that worried about that, but I’m a perfectionist, so I would have to find the perfect website / channel for how to put a binder on correctly and safely. 
• Just like any other trans persons experience: Because I only discovered that I was nonbinary when I was 18, I feel as though I’m just copying every trans / nonbinary person who decides to bind, and that I’m just copying what they’re doing to, in some way, prove that I am nonbinary enough.