Trans Envy / Jealousy: It’s More Likely Than You Think & How to Deal with It

It is perfectly normal to feel envious – but I want to talk about these feelings within the trans community. I will also provide a few video links when I publish this blog post. Though I will stress that while it is perfectly valid to feel this way, it is how you express those feelings of jealousy towards other people. I also know that every trans experience is different – so by no means am I trying determine what you may experience as a trans person. 

So why would a trans person feel jealous / envious of another trans person? Well here are some reasons as to why this may be the case, as well as possible solutions to these problems:

  • Passing:Passing‘ is a concept which means that someone looks like their gender identity. So for example, a trans person may wish to pass as being more masculine, and this may include taking testosterone and having top surgery – Obviously passing isn’t a requirements for being trans, and someone may not want to / be able to pass for a variety of reasons (e.g. out of choice or an unsafe environment). But it’s also perfectly ok if you want to pass! For me, testosterone isn’t something I currently want, simply because it isn’t something I desire. Solution: Try and not compare your gender expression to other trans people, because there is no ‘wrong’ way to express your gender identity. 
  • Surgeries: This links in with my first point, but some trans people want surgeries – some don’t, and both options are perfectly valid. But as someone who’s toying with the possibility of getting top surgery, I can’t help but compare my chest to those who may bind or has had top surgery – and admittedly, I do feel dysphoric about my chest. Solution: Research. I would recommend researching reliable surgeons in your area / country. But obviously the choice to have top surgery is yours!
  • Parts / Hormones: Again, this is something I mentioned in my first point, but taking testosterone isn’t something I particularly desire, and my downstairs doesn’t give me much dysphoria (apart from when it’s shark week). Solution: Again, do some research – I would recommend researching the side effects of your preferred HRT treatment. Again, the choice to have bottom surgery is yours!
  • Comparison: If you choose to medically transition, then you may feel envious that someone is taking those steps and you aren’t able to  / aren’t currently transition. While it is perfectly valid to feel envious over medical transition, it is not ok to negatively lash out on that person. Solution: Try and not compare your tranness to other trans individuals, because whether you choose to medically transition in fine – and if you can’t medically transition, just know that you are still your gender identity and that you are perfectly valid!  

 

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