Not a Woman. But not quite a Man.

As you may or not be aware – I identify as a transmasculine nonbinary person. In a nutshell, this means that I don’t identify as female or female, but I do identify as being a bit more masculine. But if not – then hi! My name is Casey, and my current pronouns are he/they, and I would like you to try and use them interchangeably – but I wouldn’t mind if you used one over the other. 

I don’t identify as being a woman at all – so terms like ‘girl’, daughter’ cause me a bit of social dysphoria, as they say, that I am a woman when I am not. Though I think I feel more comfortable and euphoric with more masculine terms like ‘handsome’ and ‘dapper’ – but not quite with the terms ‘boy’ or ‘man’ because they feel to binary. But at the same time, I do like the term ‘boyish’, because it implies that I’m more masculine, but I’m not a binary boy/man. Besides, I prefer ‘partner’ over ‘boyfriend’ because, again, the term boyfriend feels too binary for my liking – as I would like some room for my non-binaryness to feel valid. I guess I would like the term ‘partner’, but that’s simply because I don’t know any other terms. 

In terms of gender expression, I like to wear more masculine clothing, simply because it makes me feel more validated in my gender identity, and this results in a). more gender euphoria, and b). a better understanding of how I understand my gender. Furthermore, as of the 22nd of March 2019, I have been binding my chest once a week, and this has definitely given me a boost in confidence in my appearance. 

So yeah, I’m not a woman, but I’m not quite a man. I feel as though I am more masculine than feminine, and that’s why I like the term transmasculine so much – I like it because I can use it alongside nonbinary, as both terms can coincide, as well as be used separately.  I don’t know where this is going, so I’ll stop. 

But please remember that you are valid no matter where you fall on the gender spectrum. 

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