The Return of They / Them Pronouns & Normalising Gender Exploration

Since the 19th December 2018, I have been using he/they pronouns as a way of expressing my, at the time, identity as a transmasculine nonbinary person. But as of late May 2019, I have felt as though this no longer feels right – so I will be going back to using the singular pronouns they/them/ theirs. 

I also wanted to write this because I wanted to look back at how far I’ve come in terms of my gender identity – since, so far, I’ve gone from being a cisgender female to a demigirl, to a transmasculine enby, to a nonbinary person. Honestly, I’m proud of how far I’ve come in terms of gender (despite all the hardships us enby folk face), and I could not be happier with all the support from friends that I’ve received, both online and in real life. 

Additionally, I just wanted to say that there is no wrong way to explore your gender – even if you end up identifying as a cisgender man/woman, the fact that you took the time to question this stuff is extremely brave, especially since cisnormativity is so ingrained into us as  from before we are even born. 

It also creates an unnecessary gender binary, both complete with rigid gender roles and expectations – which is why I think being trans is such an interesting experience – because, for example, binary trans people get to experience both ends of the gender spectrum (e.g. trans men will gain male privilege whilst trans women will lose it). However, I do understand that intersectionality plays a crucial role in one’s life, so you have to take that into consideration (e.g. the expected life span of a black, trans woman is statically 35 years.

But I do feel as though we need to allow people to explore and question their identity without the criticism of others – with all the dull discourse surrounding who and who isn’t ‘trans enough’, it honestly makes me less optimistic about the future of the trans community – we need to come together, especially at a time where we are constantly having our rights questioned and debated. It’s also crucial that we have supportive, genuine allies who will speak on our behalf when we feel we are not able to. 

Basically, we need to come together and raise each other up – not put each other down. 

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