My 3 Important Reasons For LGBTQ+ Positivity & How YOU can Support this Blog

All too often, the LGBTQ+ community is faced with discrimination – for example, not being able to marry/adopt in certain places or being fired for being who they are. But I wanted to write something a bit more positive, as being a part of this community does have its upsides. Whilst I understand that issues like these are important and deserve to be talked about, I also understand that sometimes, we just need some positivity. 

Firstly, I just wanted to say that I’ve met some AMAZING people since I’ve come out of the closet, and I would proudly call these people my friends (although my brain tells me that they don’t actually like me, but that’s beside the point). Anyway, the friends I’ve made are great, and I highly doubt I would have made them if I had not discovered my sexuality and gender identity – and to all the amazing friends that I’ve met over the last couple of years, you know who you are. 

Secondly, it is fun to sometimes discuss all the weird stuff – you know- cishet people do (e.g. gendering stuff unnecessarily). This is fun because we get to poke fun at the cishet normative world that we live in – and while I don’t think that we should demolish gender entirely, because there’s nothing wrong with being whatever gender you identify with (be it cis, trans, etc), it is something that is fun to poke fun at, like I mentioned earlier. 

Thirdly, being a part of the LGBTQ+ community has recently given me a new look on life – in a political sense, I’m starting to acknowledge, or at least realize, all the privileges I have (for example, I’m white  – meaning that I will never have to experience racism, because racism only happens to black people, as well as those who are in other minority ethnic groups). Whilst these realizations have been a bit uncomfortable, I feel as though I want to help those within the LGBTQ+ community who perhaps don’t have the same luxuries as I do. I could perhaps write about this one day, as I do find intersectionality an interesting concept – but I wanna do a separate, more in-depth look at it, so it will most likely be its own, separate post. 

Finally, I’ve ** decided to start making a bit of money from it. You can now support ‘Dear Biary’ on Ko-fi, and hopefully PayPal (providing that I can get my phone fixed…) – anyway, here’s the link to my ko-fi account, and you can support me from £3! (Check it out here: my Kofi account!) It would mean a lot if you could help support me as I consider myself a small LGBTQ+ creator, plus I intend to maybe start making YouTube videos at some point? (not about LGBTQ+ topics mind you, but I’m a media student so I’m guessing it could help improve my video editing skills). Though I do understand that you may not be in a position to financially support me, so even if you just share / retweet this, that would also be fine. 

I wanted to set this up because it’s honestly something that I’ve been thinking about doing for a while now, so if you can support me, it would be great,  as it would mean that I can continue doing what I love, which is making this blog. 

Normalise Identity Exploration & Change

Identity is complex, fluid and confusing – and everyone has the right to explore it. Trust me. But part of learning and understanding that both gender and sexuality aren’t so black and white means that sometimes these labels – and as a result of your identity – will change – and that’s OK.  Let’s use me as an example – I didn’t know I was bi until late into my secondary school experience, and I didn’t know I was transmasculine until December of 2018. I also didn’t realize I was nonbinary until late August 2018. What this means is that I discovered my queer identity in three (3) different parts, and I discovered my gender identity after my sexuality – which is 100% ok and valid. So no matter what stage you may be at, please know that you are valid – and even if you come to realize that you are cisgender and heterosexual, guess what? The fact that you were brave enough to explore your identity was super cool! 

Though while the labels I currently use have not changed, the way in which I define them has – and this is especially with my sexuality. When I first started using the term bi to describe my sexuality, I used the traditional definition (‘sexual and/or romantic attraction to both men and women’), and while that was valid for a time, I then discovered my gender identity. And though my label hasn’t changed, the way I define it has – I now define it has, ‘sexual and romantic attraction to multiple genders’ – this includes men, women and nonbinary people. Could I qualify as pansexual? Yes! But I prefer the label ‘bisexual’ because it makes me happy and comfortable! But I’m also aware that I could wake up and realize that I’m actually a completely different label, and that would be perfectly OK!

Questioning your gender identity and/or sexuality is hard – and that’s ok, and I believe that you’ll find the right labels that suit you – and even if you come to the conclusion that you don’t like labels, that’s also fine! But unfortunately, the existence of gatekeepers means that someone may feel unable to explore their identity due to these gatekeepers being quick to judge and erase the idea of exploring your identity. 

You are valid and brave for exploring your identity. I’m very proud of you for doing so, and you deserve all the love, validation, acceptance as well as support that is available to you. 

How To Choose Your First Name

As part of your social transition, you may wish to change your first name to something that fits you better – and thats understandable! But choosing a new name when you’ve had your old one for however long can be difficult, so I wanted to write up a guide on how you can come up with a name that suits you. So if you decide that you want to  change your name, you can read my previous post about changing your name here.

I wanted to write this because honestly the process of choosing my name wasn’t a particularly eventful one – I literally just typed in ‘gender neutral names’ into google and went onto the first website I could find. I may even do a follow up post on how to choose a middle name if you want to. But please bear in mind that choosing a new name is truly personal to each person, so there’s no wrong way to choose a name – and if you want to change it at any point, that’s fine and valid!

Firstly, you should consider whether you want your new, real name to have any resemblance to your current name – so do you want it to start with the same letter? Do you want it to sound the same? I consider these questions to be important because it will obviously affect what type of name you can have, but if you experience little dysphoria surrounding your old name (which is perfectly ok and valid), then this would be a definite recommendation.

If you want a name that is completely unrelated to your deadname, thats perfectly ok as well – what I would recommend is that you search ‘gender neutral names’ on Google, and find a site that has gender neutral names. Then, simply scroll through the list of names provided then select the one that you like the most. This could help with possible social dysphoria regarding your old name, so by choosing a name that is completely derived from that name could help alleviate that dysphoria.